As I come up for air from one of my busiest work weeks all year, I want you to know I have put considerable thought into my last post for 2013. I wrestled with the notion of looking behind vs. looking ahead. Last year, I looked ahead. I did that – most of all – to make myself accountable. A woman I admire a great deal and who has meant a lot to me through the years, always encouraged me to tell people my goals – even if I was uncertain/scared I could achieve them – as a way to make myself accountable. So that people would then ask me about them and my progress. Somehow, I’ve realized that I no longer need that crutch. Turns out goal achievement has never been a problem of mine so much as the fear and uncertainty that comes with it. And there is no resolution for that. If you’re not a little bit scared of stating a goal, it probably doesn’t mean that much to begin with and is not worth striving for.
2013. Where to begin …
Friends. I left so many behind with the move this past summer. They are in my heart always, I just wish they were on my couch too. And at my dinner table. Some days, I wonder what I am doing. But you have to go find your life. I’m getting closer.
Work. Suffice it to say I continue to be challenged with the work I do. Most days, it feels like I’m running around with my hair on fire. And if I wasn’t, I’d worry something was wrong.
Love. Probably the toughest thing is to see it be so easy for some people to find it or some half-measure of it or get multiple tries at it. Some days, it is suffocating to think it might always be just me in this life. Some days, I don’t care at all. It is not in me to bend to what the world seems to be telling me it wants. Succumbing would shame me.
Life. A look back through my iPhone photos reminds me that what is ordinary to me is actually quite extraordinary stuff. I’ve seen places and met people I never could have imagined when I was seven years old with braces and unspeakably awful hair. So, let me show you …
On a chilly April weekday, I spent upwards of three hours in a green room with these guys. Listening to them tell stories was a blessing and an honor. Yes, that’s Hank Aaron in the middle.
I saw my alma mater play in the Final Four at the Georgia Dome …
… which was an absolute shock considering they got spanked by Georgetown where I saw them play the last time in their storied rivalry. Friends don’t let friends become Hoyas.
I caught up with co-workers for some Monday Night Football in my new hometown of ATL. One day, I’ll enter the Georgia Dome like a normal ticket holder.
For a change of pace, I was on TV, rather than behind the scenes. The Ricki Lake Show let me speak about what happened to me. It was the first time I have really ever gotten to do that on TV.
And I continued my work on raising awareness about sexual assault by donating to the local rape crisis center and winning this marvelous trophy.
I led the chants for the University of New Haven’s Take Back the Night event. The gals seemed uncertain of their voices. Fortunately, I have a very big mouth.
Bawled like a baby leaving the first and only home I ever purchased. Counterintuitive considering that owning it ripped my heart out.
I said ‘goodbye for now’ to these two beautiful women who humbled me with their love for me.
… and the love of their husbands who were both big brothers and surrogate fathers for me.
I traded sunrise walks here…
… for sunrise walks here.
Still, I managed to squeeze in a visit here. My favorite place to walk in the whole wide world. I love it.
Speaking of love, I fell more deeply in love with my nephew. How could I not?
I mean, have you SEEN this child?
Moving on… as I live away from my family, I still managed to create some semblance of a Thanksgiving and cooked my first turkey. That big life moment was rather uneventful. No one died. And yes, I failed to remove the giblet bag hidden in its cavernous inside.
Also, I discovered the joy of taking a selfie and the filter buttons on my iPhone. Never understood the #nofilter hashtag. Having discovered the wonders of the filter, I am #TeamFilter. This woman looks fabulous, whoever she is.
And I bought my first live tree and figured out my tree decorating motif: Gold, silver and bronze. And bows.
I endeavored a live tree because I was filled with the holiday spirit after a December week in NYC.
While there, I visited Grand Central, my heart.
And I saw Jessie who continues to be fun to take photos with at weddings and who continues to take my phone calls when I am in the midst of a meltdown.
2014. I have no idea what’s in store. Please be just as good to me as 2013.