The Breakup

I’ll get right to it on this one. About 10 weeks after my boyfriend moved away, made me agree to long distance and set December 2009 as time to discuss engagement, he flew up to see me and said he just “couldn’t do it.” He cited the distance, his demanding job and his belief I could never just be a soccer mom (that was my favorite). At the time I believed his anguish was genuine, and as for me, it was just so hard because I lost a major support only weeks before hearing the results of the Public Prosecutor’s investigation. It just knocked the wind out of me to have this person who had made so many promises fail to deliver on any of them when he told me to trust him. I remember feeling numb for several weeks. Like I had no breathing room to absorb the blow. I was already on pins and needles waiting for the judge’s decision. I blamed myself and my mess. In the time that has passed, and all the subsequent interactions with him, fortunately, he has revealed his full self and the unsavory reality that  from the time we started dating, he had an exit strategy, not wanting to be involved in what lay ahead for me because it and I didn’t fit in with his or his mommy’s Southern values. As this is my blog, I feel perfectly comfortable in saying I somehow managed within four months’ time to come across two of the worst people I have ever met in Marco and him. Underhanded, fraudulent, selfish and weak. It has been difficult to find the reason why I had such the misfortune on the heels of what happened to me, but there is freedom in the discovery that it wasn’t my mess, my failures or my lack of anything. It was God’s way of clearing the path so I could focus on matters truly worthy of my heart and soul effort. I needed laser-like focus to complete the task I felt I was called to do. So, I understand and accept that. I just don’t have to like it.