Just a quick note to share some initial thoughts after my first night of certification training. I will not be able to get any more specific than sharing my thoughts and feelings because training is also private:
- After last night, I am equal parts excited and fearful. I know I can do this and that I am well-suited to advocate for victims. But, I also know I will most likely meet the limits of my tolerance – sooner rather than later – for certain kinds of sexual assault, especially where months-old babies are concerned. My brain has a way of cycling on nightmarish things sometimes, torturing me in my sleep. I will need to figure a way to work through this.
- Some of the things I hear, see and learn will reach into my chest and rip my heart out. Or at least, it will feel that way until I can toughen up via repeated exposure.
- I had the shakes well into an hour after we broke for the night. And I thought about a certain scenario all morning.
- Seven minutes can be an excruciating, first-hand view of hell. So, the next time I see a police car speeding down the street, I will drive my car as far away from it as possible so that it might arrive at a crime in progress that much sooner.
- I have good people around me taking this journey with me. For that, I am grateful. And for that, I know I am going to be fine; I am going to be better.