Ok, so, it’s Africa hot in my shoebox apartment, and I’m pretty sure I am dehydrated. Perfect time to compose a profound missive, yes?
When I last left you, I was telling you about my big plans to be bold in 2013. Yeah, yeah, New Year’s resolutions aren’t worth the hot air they’re created with, but I actually am into themed years as a general rule. I like a good overarching principle to benchmark my plans against. Example: Last year fell under the “Get my life back” rule. Any time I engaged in something requiring time and energy, it had to meet that general goal. Provence embodied this right down to the last morsel of my flaky morning quiche. As my first solo trip since Spain 2008 – before Rome ever happened – Provence turned out to be pretty momentous.
At work, I kicked it into high gear to achieve some semblance of routine in a role that tested all of my abilities as a manager and a communications professional. I just had to get a handle on a job that can easily swallow me whole most days if I let it.
Dating. I dipped my toe back into its murky waters and while the results were marginal at best, rest assured, I shall live to see another blind date and all its comical misadventures. Statistically, I am closing in on success. This is what I tell myself.
To end 2012, I completed my training as a rape crisis counselor, thus returning to a better balance of giving back so much of the good I have received in this life. I know this was the right choice for me. I know this is why this crime happened to me. And I know this is how I should give of myself.
So, 2013. Be bold. With this goal, I am striving to tap into that part of me that used to dream big before I ever bought a shitty, old condo that dashed my home ownership dreams, before I ever settled into a corporate job instead of something way less stable (but much more badass) and way before I ever had my heart stomped on in that brutal way we all must experience at lease once so we appreciate the real thing when it comes along.
A few things on the horizon:
I will lead. Now that I have my feet under me in the anti-sexual violence community, I am ready to have a more forceful presence. I am ready to engage. I have shed the insecurity about not knowing enough because I now know plenty. And I am uniquely positioned by vocation and experience to contribute to a larger conversation. So there.
I will take more trips to places both near and far. Scotland, Paris, Portland, Charleston, Nashville, Asheville. I am going to spoil myself rotten while I have the solo time. As my mother says about money, “You can’t take it with you when you die.” Love you, Mom.
I will develop a kickass social calendar where I will go to concerts and shows and do everything I can to stay the fuck off my couch. In a future post, I will tell you about these guys and how two martinis and some tweets in the dark by moi had them travel to one of my work events for possibly the best two hours I had that entire week. Totally a bold move from your girl, btw.
I will not fear rejection. Gulp. My heart definitely has its scars. Regardless, I must press on. I am going to submit some of my writing and poems for publication. I am going to try to increase my social sphere despite being shy in my personal life, and I am going to put myself out there more. That is very hard for me to do. But I would so appreciate the opportunity to be in love again, to be blessed in that way.
Lastly, I am going to recommit myself to the notion that life is short, it is uncertain and the best thing I can do is love those in my life as they are – with all their flaws and their gifts – and love them fiercely. And hope they do the same for me.
2013, I am so glad you are here.