As I come up for air from one of my busiest work weeks all year, I want you to know I have put considerable thought into my last post for 2013. I wrestled with the notion of looking behind vs. looking ahead. Last year, I looked ahead. I did that – most of all – to make myself accountable. A woman I admire a great deal and who has meant a lot to me through the years, always encouraged me to tell people my goals – even if I was uncertain/scared I could achieve them – as a way to make myself accountable. So that people would then ask me about them and my progress. Somehow, I’ve realized that I no longer need that crutch. Turns out goal achievement has never been a problem of mine so much as the fear and uncertainty that comes with it. And there is no resolution for that. If you’re not a little bit scared of stating a goal, it probably doesn’t mean that much to begin with and is not worth striving for.
2013. Where to begin …
Friends. I left so many behind with the move this past summer. They are in my heart always, I just wish they were on my couch too. And at my dinner table. Some days, I wonder what I am doing. But you have to go find your life. I’m getting closer.
Work. Suffice it to say I continue to be challenged with the work I do. Most days, it feels like I’m running around with my hair on fire. And if I wasn’t, I’d worry something was wrong.
Love. Probably the toughest thing is to see it be so easy for some people to find it or some half-measure of it or get multiple tries at it. Some days, it is suffocating to think it might always be just me in this life. Some days, I don’t care at all. It is not in me to bend to what the world seems to be telling me it wants. Succumbing would shame me.
Life. A look back through my iPhone photos reminds me that what is ordinary to me is actually quite extraordinary stuff. I’ve seen places and met people I never could have imagined when I was seven years old with braces and unspeakably awful hair. So, let me show you …
2014. I have no idea what’s in store. Please be just as good to me as 2013.